Channeling Erma Bombeck

My morning could have been in a book written by the late, funny Erma Bombeck. A day that starts this awful should make a heck of a funny book. We got up to get ready for school. Our cleaning lady comes at 7 on Thursdays. She lets me know while I am dressing that the dog has poo pood all over the floor in the living room. I'm thinking why me why today? I get the kids ready, the ones that are not sick and get the others medicated and off I go to school to do the first drop off. I come home and sit in the car reading trying to avoid what I know is waiting for me in the living room. The kids that stayed home come to the car looking for me. I have to go in. It's still there waiting for me. I clean it up and manage delicate gagging rather than throwing up. Then I can't find the carpet cleaner. This can only happen to me. I figure out where Victor has hidden it and get to work. I hadn't cleaned it out last time I used it a week ago so it smelled precious. More delicate gagging. I have to get lunches for the kids at school and be there to volunteer in Kindergarten by 10. I clean it all up. Then the baby needs the same clean up as isle 13,dogpoop lane). He is only a little more cooperative. Vadim has a fever so I get to wrestle him to get the motrindown him. It takes two of us. I nurse him almost to sleep and then run for the school. I can relax now I will be safe ....... working with 20 five year olds. It was fun and relaxing and they were pretty well behaved. If it doesn't kill you It might make a great book.